Tag: Denver counseling

Mindfully Addressing Anxiety

"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence..." Ekhart Tolle
“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence…” Ekhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle, who wrote a recommended book, “A New Earth: Awakening your life’s purpose,” has said that worry, stress and anxiety are caused by too much future thinking and not enough being in the present moment. He also mentions that worry and anxiety are forms of fear of the future. With this said, the solution for anxiety seems simple. To ease my stress and anxiety, I simply remain in the present, and remain hopeful of the future. But how does one truly stay present? How do I look to the future without some fear of the unknown? I notice for me, that during stressful times, mindfulness is easier conceptualized than realized. Yet, I do find that it is still attainable with some self-compassion.

Experiencing the mental and physical effects of anxiety are not easily wished away. It takes consideration to realize the purposes of anxiety and find helpful ways to address it. Anxiety is our mind and body’s way of letting us know to pay attention. Worry allows us to plan, to visualize potential problems and possible solutions. While anxiety can cause us to become stuck in fearfulness, mindfully paying attention to our anxiety can help us address the underlying needs and emotions in ways that create curiosity and choice.

To consider using mindfulness to ease anxiety, here are some suggested steps.

1) NOTICE your anxiety in the moment (i.e. I say to myself, “Pay attention here, you are feeling anxious. What are you feeling? What are you needing?”) – so that you may address it mindfully vs. reactively

2) BREATH, inhale a slow, warm intake of air to the count of four; gratefully caress (hold) the breath to the count of four; then graciously release exhaling slowly to the count of four – this helps us move from a reactive mode of fight/flight/freeze to a more responsive mode of creating choice while considering your needs and the needs of others

3) SCAN how your body is reacting to anxiety, check for any tightness, soreness, any shallow breathing, or any other physical reactions – noticing the physical responses may help you to relieve them, guided meditations can also be helpful

4) NAME THE EMOTION you are experiencing with empathy and compassion for yourself (could be and not limited to: frustration, confusion, worry, fear) – this helps to identify the cause and purpose of your anxiety

5) NAME YOUR NEEDS, noticing your anxiety, noticing the physical response, naming the emotion and breathing can be enough to ease your anxiety; at times it is also helpful to state a need that is coming up to request of yourself or someone else – this also identifies the cause and purpose of your anxiety and may also allow for a strategy to relieve it

While working with your symptoms of anxiety, be kind to yourself. If these steps are not working as you like, within the time you like, give yourself the opportunity to practice and explore. If you experience the symptoms of anxiety persistently, it may be helpful to seek counseling to gain support in uncovering the details of your anxiety and to ease its effects. Another recommended book is The Mindful Way through Anxiety: Break free from chronic worry and reclaim your life, by Susan M. Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer. May you enjoy a day filled with compassionate connections, meaning, peace and ease.

Being Genuine, Your Essential Self

"What we need most of all is to get in touch with ourselves, to seek solid grounding in ourselves, to feel within that it is we who are speaking, we who decide and not our habits, our conditioning, our fears of another's opinion." Thomas d'Ansembourg
“What we need most of all is to get in touch with ourselves, to seek solid grounding in ourselves, to feel within that it is we who are speaking, we who decide and not our habits, our conditioning, our fears of another’s opinion.” Thomas d’Ansembourg

There is an essential being, a genuineness, that is you. You are caring, driven to connect in relationships that are meaningful to you. You are
talented, driven to gain successes that are meaningful to you. You are compassionate, driven to contribute in ways that are meaningful to you. You are driven to survive with purpose and in health.

The challenges we experience in life, our interactions with others, and tragically, the effects of abuse and trauma may veil our essential being with thoughts and behaviors that do not enrich life. Because we seek to survive and seek to fulfill our needs, we find ways to cope with the stresses we experience.

Whatever those coping strategies are, we choose them in an attempt to fulfill a need. Consider this, all we do and think is an attempt to fulfill a need. Perhaps we seek to gain safety, or autonomy, or connection and belonging, or to be seen and to matter, or to be competent and skilled, or for ease and order. At times, the strategies we choose may cause frustration and harm. Our strategies may cause disconnection from those we love. We may withdraw from or chase after the relationships we long for causing us to be stuck in heart-breaking, cyclical conflicts. We may experience overwhelming emotions that may include grief, anxiety and depression.

When you sense a veil over your essential being, when you experience the effects of overwhelming grief, anxiety and depression, when you find yourself in constant conflicts with those you love, therapy can provide a safe place to untangle the places where you are stuck and to create change. With an empathic counselor where you can be fully heard and fully seen, the process of therapy allows you to experience your emotions and perspectives without judgment. With uncondtional regard, you are able to speak and experience your emotions completely, creating a space that allows you to see the reason and the logic of your coping strategies, even those that are not helpful to you. With unconditional regard, you are able to address the shame that might be keeping you stuck in thoughts and behaviors that are not enriching your life. You are then able to address your needs allowing you to create awareness and choice in your life.

Contact me to discuss how counseling may be helpful to you. You may also enjoy recommended books on the topic including “Non-Violent Communication: A language of life” by Marshall Rosenberg and “Being Genuine: Stop being nice, start being real” by Thomas d’Ansembourg. May you enjoy days filled with compassionate connections, meaning, peace and ease.